Jenna the Zombie Slayer

Calling all zombie movie fans. Oh, and calling all porn fans. I think that about covers most of the population. If you don't fit into those two general categories, then this post won't interest you. And you don't interest me, so buh-bye.

My wishes were answered today when Sony Pictures released the trailer for their new upcoming disaster, "Zombie Strippers", starring none other than the flesh eating porn star herself, Jenna Jameson. Unfortunately, I don't think Jenna will be utilizing her famous skills-- this looks like it's supposed to be a 'real' movie. I just hope this isn't her attempt at becoming a legitimate actress. I'm fond of what she does in the 'other film realm'. Although, Jenna killing some zombies sounds pretty hot. Watch the trailer below:

Best line so far?

Chick with gun #1:They're good girls.
Chick with gun #2:They're zombies!
Chick with gun #1:No, they're strippers.
Chick with gun #4: They're zombie strippers!

Ooooooh, snap.


In other porn star news, supposedly Jenna has been strutting her stuff around West Hollywood with a new woman: Aubrey O'Day, who is the lead singer from Danity Kane (see photo below). Not that this is any surprise-- Jenna is an open bisexual. I'm not quite sure what's going on with this new fling though. Come on, Jenna. Doesn't she look a little familiar? That's right, now put down the mirror. I think Jenna should just have a new reality show to find a girlfriend. "A Shot at Love with Jenna Jameson" sounds pretty good. Man, I should really copyright this kind of brilliance.



~Shia Woods

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

So, by pure coincidence I happened get emotionally scarred by a show called Rock the Cradle. I only saw 5 minutes of it. And yes, that was enough time to be traumatized.

If you don't know already. The show is an American Idol style competition where the contestants perform on stage and get the boot according to "America's Votes". The deal with this show is that the contestants are children of not-so-famous musicians like Kenny Loggins and Eddie Money.

To sum it up for ya. Don't waste your time watching the show. But if you're like me and must torture yourself with terribleness at least a little bit, do what I did and just watch them try to belt out notes that their voices weren't built to sing. Watch in awe and horror as they brutally mutilate classic rock songs. You can find the videos on the MTV voting site: ROCK THE CRADLE .

One of the most notable performances is from Chloe Lattanzi.
She is Olivia Newton John's daughter. She is really trying to belt the shit out of INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart". Even if musical talent was passed down from parent to child, she should have realized by now that her old ma' wasn't much of a singer. Not only is Chloe's singing all over the place but she sounds like she has a weird accent . Pay attention to when she sings "I.. I was was thinking". She doesn't have an accent when she talks so what the fuck? Its horrendous all around. Maybe someone can explain to me why she looks nothing like her mother but like a puffed up collagen attacked muppet woman. hmmm...Seriously the KEN LEE lady is better.

The only decent one is A'Keiba Burrell-Hammer Which doesn't surprise me, because most black women can sing. White people gotta watch out cause Syesha Mercado is gonna kill you on Idol. Who else on this season could have pulled off "I Will Always Love You".

-Vanessa Lynch

A Global Warning

So now scientists are basically saying that we're all gonna die.. I hope everyone tries to bind together to stop this from going any further.

This is how we're fucked:

The Terrible Truth

Another point for TEAM PIRATE

yo mah boy jean-paul is gunning for team pirate!
Catherine McNeil as a pirate with a pipe HOLLA!

Pirates: Still on TOP

Looks like pirates are doin pretty good for themselves. BTW I heart Agyness Deyn.

World, Hold On

This song is just awesome to begin with. The lyrics are awesome and this video rules. I love this forever and ever.

Just for Funz: Rodrigo y Gabriela

This duo is very talented. We're gonna see them at the All Points West Festival .

Humans are SHIT

If someone is emotionally capable of kicking someone in the head. They should have their head lobbed off. Seriously.. this makes me want to reinstate the code of Hammurabi. Sometimes an eye for an eye seems appropriate.

The Last Haunting Picture

Ness Lynch

Accio Snape!

This blog will mostly focus on TV, but as you will soon notice, we will occasionally write about other things that interest us. Which will of course interest you as well, because let's face it, we know what shit is hot. Like this:


As you will notice, I am slightly obsessed with Harry Potter. So, every now and then I'll be reporting on the goings on of the wizard world. And the hot wizards that encompass it, as seen above. Below is a video a co-worker of mine alerted me to. It's pretty funny and oh so Snape-alicious.

Just For Funz

I'm a big fan of good commercials. This one is great.

This is why I'm the angriest woman in the world

So I like to look at other people's blogs and usually they are informative or entertaining. And then I stumble onto some self-idolizing horse shit like "Too Blessed to be Stressed".

If you buy into the surface of all things, this woman seems nice enough. She even talks about global warming on her page, and voices her concern about this issue. The one problem is that she has 4 children. Which instantaneously discredits someone from speaking about global warming. Because is you look between this lady's legs, you will find the cause of global warming. There would be no environmental problems if there weren't so many people.

Even if you eliminated all the pollutants and waste we create, an ever-growing population is covering all the space on the planet. More people means more housing, means less land , less natural space, less animals, and less plants. Guess what humans! When you replace plants with people you will have no air for your spawn to breathe.

Breeding in large numbers used to be important because kids would die frequently, and the human lifespan was much shorter. But with all our medicine people live longer and breed more kids that stay alive.

Thanks people. Thanks for creating a world where everything that is beautiful and helped us exist in the first place is being destroyed. Thanks for a world that is filthy and dying. Thanks for giving me an existence that is constantly wrenching and surreally wrong ,because all the animals except for the one that cause the problems is disappearing. Thanks for giving me a life where there is NOWHERE TO HIDE.

You wanna stop global warming? WAKE THE FUCK UP! Make a sacrifice, do the Christ-like thing and give up the vision you had of your own life in exchange for a better future and a better world.

Check out what all the breeding is doing to our planet THE REAL TIME WORLD CLOCK.

You got a problem with this opinion? Check yourself. Without this Earth, your kids will die. Can you follow that logic you breeders? Yeah. Fuck you for ruining my life.

Ness Lynch

When Bad Girls Go Gay

We would be the worst lesbian TV watchers ever if we didn't discuss the ultra-lesbionic events that graced the Oxygen channel this week. And I don't mean the straight-girl-experimenting kind of lesbian action, I mean true dykelicious fun.

We're big fans of The Bad Girls Club, which airs on Tuesdays (again, on Oxygen). Basically, the show is kind of like The Real World. Except with all girls. Who could kick your ass. And mine. And should probably all have their tubes tied. Let's just say these girls are craaaazy.


This week, two of the girls in the house bonded. And by bond I mean they might as well turn in their birth control and pick up a tool belt. Cordelia and Andrea, both of whom were presumed to be straight, got friendly in a big way this week. What started out as innocent flirting (which was a surprise to the rest of the girls) soon turned into an almost-coming out for Cordelia and a hook-up that promises to keep on giving in episodes to come. In fact, the girls wanted to hook up so bad, that they used their male boss as an excuse to do it. Don't worry ladies, he wasn't involved. He just kind of sat by them awkwardly.

Is Cordelia really gay? Is Andrea? Do we really care? Um, yes. I tend to like anything lesbian...even if it does involve an ex-porn star (Cordelia). Actually, that might even make it better. Below is a preview of the episode so you can get a taste:



Next week, Andrea and Cordelia will probably exchange promise rings and jump a flight to Hoboken to tie the knot. Not that I play into lesbian sterotypes or anything. I just hope they shop at Home Depot when they purchase their new home, Bed, Bath & Beyond is pricey and Cordelia hasn't been giving too many lap dances these days.

D.A.N.C.E.

okay so this song is been around for a while but my friend Jackie just introduced me to it. Shit is on fire.

Just For Funz

all I really have to say about this is WIENER POOPIE!


This lady butchers Mariah Carey's "Without You" pretty bad, but you wouldn't even know it because she sings in gibberish. VIVA BULGARIA!! They did give us Victor Krum.

America's Next Top Model: Recap Patience is a Virtue

I know you were all anxiously awaiting our first recap of America's Next Top Model.  Don't lie.  You were.  Unfortunately we had some technical difficulties this week.  If anyone is fluent in Japanese and would like to read us the directions on our camera, please let us know.  If you would like details on the logic that went behind buying a camera that is only in Japanese, ask Vanessa.

Since the next episode airs tomorrow, we will be recapping that one instead.  And since we don't want any hate mail for not recapping last week's episode (that's a lie, we love getting mail), below is our favorite photo from the episode. Our homegirl Lauren looks smokin' hot here:



America's Next Top Model: Giving hope to all of Brooklyn, one hipster at a time.

Accio Hermione!

The Los Angeles Times has just reported that the final film in the Harry Potter series will be split into two films. The first one will be released in November 2010 and the second in May 2011. Let's just hope that the guy who wrote the screenplay for the 5th movie isn't writing either of the final movies. I suggest Diablo Cody. Just kidding.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-et-potter13mar13,0,7162166.story

This decision will probably be met with applause as well as criticism. I'm ecstatic over the decision. There is just no way to include everything from the 7th book (Deathly Hallows) into one film. And this way we get to see the ever-so-sexy Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson one more time! If I could apparate into a bed with the three of them right now, I most definitely would.


I have to stop now. This subject is making me depressed. I'm still in mourning over the end of the series (a decade of my life over). I can't even look at the 7th book cover, it's just too much. Unless someone hot is holding it of course.


Now THAT makes me feel better. Dobby who? Horcrux what?

~Shia Woods

The Re-caps are coming. Do YOU want to be on top?

Starting with this week's episode, Vanessa and I will be recapping America's Next Top Model weekly. I don't feel like I should have to explain the premise of the show, so if you're not familiar with it, don't read the recaps. Or you can be resourceful and go look it up. Although after 10 seasons I don't know how you could be that sheltered. Yes, I judge people based on their reality show line-up.

Ness and I have been watching the show on and off since the first season aired in 2003. So if you're a Tyra hater, then we can't be friends. Ok, so Tyra is sometimes ridiculous, but she is a major supporter of the gays. And if you have a problem with that then we REALLY can't be friends.  Just kidding.  I hate friends.  I don't want to know you either way.  Anyway, not only is the show very gay-friendly, but it has also featured more lesbian contestants than most reality shows (including the entire female cast of Tila Tequila) as well as numerous lesbionic photo shoots.

 I think Kim from season 5 change the face of reality show limo rides forever. Even if you hate this show, I think this moment should live on:



We'll try to get our recaps up the day after the show airs, but we're really important people so it may post on Friday sometimes. I know we're starting with three episodes already behind us, but we haven't missed anything too exciting. In fact, if someone doesn't faint or rumble soon, we're going to start recapping Gray's Anatomy. Just kidding, we wouldn't do that to you. Just cross your fingers that this week's elimination goes a little something like this:

~Shia Woods

Hey Jude, get this kid OFF the stage

I'm not an avid American Idol watcher. I used to watch it occasionally when it started back in the 1980s...wait...how long has it been on TV? Every now and then I catch an episode and each time I am confronted with a slew of untalented Americans trying their best to make their unrealistic dream come true. If this show fired all the judges immediately, outed Ryan Seacrest on air, and displayed real talent (as America's Best Dance Crew does- see previous post), then I could have some respect for it. As it airs now however, is disgusting-- I can't believe that a show that has the sole mission of finding the BEST new emerging talent in the whole of America can't show us anything actually good. Except for Kathryn McPhee from the 5th season, who is smokin' hot. Although I'm having trouble remembering what her voice sounds like. Did I mention that she's hot?



Normally I ignore the reality show, but I work in entertainment-- so I keep hearing about this one contestant. Since the 7th season started all I have heard about is this young guy who is gracing the Fox show with his baby face and baby voice. This homolicious 17-year-old is David Archuleta and he is one of the favorites to win. Now, I can see why some young girls might find him oh-so-dreamy (and by young girls, I mean other little homo boys), but good enough to warrant all this praise?



I don't even think he is the worst I've seen on the show, especially if you have been unlucky enough to watch the first few episodes of each season. He has a mediocre voice- not terrible, but not outstanding. This week however, he decided to cover a Beatles' song (We Can Work it Out). There are just no words. But take a look at his performance (below), followed by my open letter to David.



Dear David,

Please never attempt to sing a Beatles' song ever again. It is an insult to the band, to me, to Mother Earth, and really to yourself. I don't think we can work this out. Maybe next week you should try "It's Raining Men" or "I'm Coming Out". Just some random selections I thought might actually work out for you.

~Shia Woods

YAY! L Word Season 6

The L Word has been signed up for a sixth and final season. Only 8 episodes long... but it's still something. The L Word will be the first Showtime series to go to six seasons. Congratulations to the L Word creators.

As much as I have bitched about the L Word and hated on it. I truly can't picture life without new episodes. No L Word on Sunday.. ever again..... I don't know how I'm gonna deal. Especially because this season was so fuckin good. The last moment of the last episode, for me, will be one of those experiences that makes you feel like you can't breathe.

Loss of stability is hard to shake off, and the L Word has somehow become one of my stable structures. Without feeling it, this semi-soap opera, disjointed, mostly plot-less show has become part of my life. And lets face it, it's the only real representation the lesbian community has on TV (that doesn't make us look like a bunch of sex-less, hairy, political activists). I have forgotten what it feels like to have no mainstream image of myself, or someone like myself, on TV. The Logo shows, South of Nowhere, they just didn't put lesbians out there for a large audience to see. Only now, am I starting to see what an amazing thing Ilene Chaiken did.

Here's to you L Word. May the time we have together prepare me for your farewell.

My wish for the grande finale: Shane and Jenny get together.

-Vanessa Lynch

WHATS HOT: America's Best Dance Crew

The past few weeks of my life have been totally rocked by America's Best Dance Crew on MTV. Serriously, even if dancing (or watching it on TV) aren't your thing, it is impressive and incredibly entertaining. I never watched So You Think You Can Dance, or anything like that, but this ish is HAWT!

One crew in particular stands out the most. JabbaWockeez has very clean, very precise choreography and transitions that make their performances look perfect. Their creativity and ability to portray a feeling or an idea through movement, has made them clearly one of the judge's favorites. They kill it every week, but here are some of my favorite performances. All the videos first show them getting their new song for the week and then practicing it. After the dance is the judges remarks. All copyrights belong to MTV & Viacom International.

This shit is so hot its out of control. It just makes ya wanna get up and down. BANANAS.
The actual dance itself starts at around 1:15.


This is from the premiere episode of the show. The dance starts at 1:55.


The crew I think is second to or perhaps as good as (we shall see) Jabbawockeez is Kaba Modern. The girls in this crew represent hard and work just as hard, if not harder than the guys. They are the best women in the competition all together. One of them is super mega caliente. Her name is Yuri Tag, and I'm pretty sure that she is Korean. I love Asian Girls!

The other babe they got is Jia Huang. She is hot in a different way, but also gets points for being the best girl in the crew.

This is my favorite of their performances thus far. The girl in this dance are so smokin hot, it seriously raises my body temperature. dance starts at 1:00.


This performance is the most out of the crews safety zone. It really sticks out when you compare it to the other weeks. Dance start at 1:30.



America's Best Dance Crew airs Thursday nights at 10:00 p.m. on MTV.

-Vanessa Lynch